there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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