Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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