You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
