You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
