Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
