she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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