Who wears a wallet chain?!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
