why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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