I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
