Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
