I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize