Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs

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(812): View more from Indiana

My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

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(208): View more from Idaho

you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.

(1-208): View more from Idaho

did we at least go back and get it?

(208): View more from Idaho

how else do you think we got jack in the box...?

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(404): View more from Georgia

Are you still at the party or did I leave?

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(443): View more from Maryland

dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.

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(206): View more from Washington

Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night

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