we have pet lesbian snakes
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
