So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize