This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
