saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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