Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
