just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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