I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
