i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
