You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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