Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
