Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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