I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
