i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
