Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
