i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
