i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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