The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
