dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
party gras won. party gras always wins.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
