T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
