Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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