I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
