when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
