I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
