If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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