guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize