i jhust puked up my retainher.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
