he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
