dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize