haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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