The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
