Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
