I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
