My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
