Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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