I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
