Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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