Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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