You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize