I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I want to be your penis for a week.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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