it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
