i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize