I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
