Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize