i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just found a bag of teeth...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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