Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
