so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
