god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
