So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
