I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
