She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
