I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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