I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
