Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize