THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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