The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
