I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
