I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you traded sex for a burrito?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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