omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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