Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
