But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
