My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
