Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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